Dear diary,
Raven here.
Hey folks. It’s springtime and I’m a happy cat. I’ve been eating grass, basking in the sun and spending as much snuggle time with the handsome man as pawsible. Trust me, there is no warmer body to snuggle on. But my biggest accomplishment this spring was to make a new friend in… wait for it… A DOG!!
That’s right. Recently, my human neighbors got a new puppy they called Fancy. I’m still getting to know Fancy, but from the moment I met her, I knew we’d be fast friends.
We first met at Honeytoast’s eighth lifeday party at her house. Honeytoast had invited all the neighborhood pets. Fancy and I were sitting at the back of the room, looking at Honeytoast at the front and a small crowd of cats and dogs, each cat sitting next to a dog in a pair.
“Hello everyone,” yowled Honeytoast. “And welcome to my eighth lifeday party.”
The crowd yowled and cheered, but Fancy growled.
“This cat just wants it to be all about himself,” Fancy says.
“Shush!” I yowl. “How could you say that? He’s just getting started. Let’s listen.”
“I’ve lived quite the seven lives,” Honeytoast continues. “But I’m sure my eighth life will be my best life. Right after we solve a murder!”
We gasped.
“That’s right,” purrs Honeytoast. “Last night, someone snuck in here and murdered my friend Sunny Sunbeam.”
The crowd snickers. We all know Sunny is alive and well, and Fancy isn’t afraid to call Honeytoast out.
“Hardy har har!” she barks. “I just talked to Sunny this morning. She’s alive and well.”
“I think this is meant to be make believe,” I say to Fancy, but loud enough for everyone to hear. “This is how human murder mystery parties work too. Nobody was murdered.
“Oh, I get it now,” says Fancy. “We have to pretend we’re detectives solving a murder. Continue.”
Honeytoast purrs. “Thank you, Raven. As I was saying, someone has murdered Sunny and we, the felines and canines of the Mount Baker neighborhood, have been tasked with figuring out who in the neighborhood did it. But that’s not all. This investigation will double as a quiz. A quiz about humans.”
The crowd murmurs.
“Here’s how this Is going to work,” says Honeytoast. “I will ask you a multiple-choice question about human life, and you and your doggy partner will have one minute to try to figure out the answer. If you answer correctly, you will get a clue that you CANNOT share with others. Some clues might be trying to lead you astray. If you think you know who the murderer is, you can accuse someone, but if you make a wrong accusation or get three questions in a row wrong, you’re next. Got it!”
We nod.
“Okay. First question,” says Honeytoast. “Which of these human movies from the 1980s does not feature the human actor, Patrick Swayze. Is it:
A: Ghost
B: Do the Right Thing
C: Point Break
OR:
D: Dirty Dancing
We stroked our furry chins in thought.
“I’’ll give you one minute to think this over,” Honeytoast purrs. “And when the time is up, you will be tested.”
We discuss in whispered tones.
“I’ve definitely heard that that human Swayze starred in a famous love scene involving pottery in Ghost,” Fancy says.
“He co-starred in Point Break and Dirty Dancing too,” I meow.
“Alright!” Honeytoast yowls everyone back. “Does anyone have a guess?”
Before we can answer, another dog cat duo at the back of the room raises their paws.
“Yes,” says Honeytoast. “Thor and Waffles.”
“We’re gonna guess Point Break,” says Waffles. “That right, Toast?”
Toast is the nickname Waffles insists on calling Honeytoast. I kind of like it, but Honeytoast hates the name.
“No, Waffles,” Honeytoast growls. “Point Break is one of Swayze’s most successful films along with human actor Kianu Reeves… AND STOP CALLING ME TOAST!!!!!”
We laugh and Honeytoast growls. Then Fancy and I raise our paws.
“Yes,” says Honeytoast. “Raven and Fancy!”
“Do the Right Thing!” we say in unison.
“Raven and Fancy, you are CORRECT,” Honeytoast yowls.
The crowd cheers as we hi-paw. Honeytoast continues.
“Do the Right Thing stars human Spike Lee, NOT Swayze.” Honeytoast walks over to our table and hands us a piece of paper.
“Great job Raven and Fancy. Here is your clue.”
The paper reads: Blakeley was barking at a squirrel.
We then answer question after question about everything from human music, current events, strange human devices, and much, much more. Fancy and I get at least half right and find out that Sunny’s murderer was a dog, and was black, so the Blakeley clue was in fact a decoy. We also find that the murderer. either used a human knife or scratched Sunny and that the murder took place on the handsome man’s ramp.
“You should now be able to make an accusation,” says Honeytoast. “Remember to state who did the murder, what the murder weapon was and where the murder took place. Does anyone want to take a guess?”
A pair next to us raises their paws.
“Yes,” says Honeytoast. “Josie and Thor.”
“We’re going to guess it was Ginny,” says Thor.
“With the handsome man’s computer,” says Josie.
“In the backyard,” says Thor.
“I’m sorry,” purrs Honeytoast. “But that is incorrect. Raven and Fancy, looks like you have a guess.”
“Yes,”’ I meow. “We’re going to guess that it was Roux.”
“With a scratch,” says Fancy.
“On the handsome man’s ramp,” I meow.
“Raven and Fancy…” Honeytoast says, then pauses. “You are… CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The crowd yowls, barks and cheers as we high paw and hug. The crowd even sprinkles catnip on my fur.
“The murder was done by Roux, with a scratch on the handsome man’s ramp. But, as a reminder, Sunny Sunbeam wasn’t actually murdered. In fact, here she is now to announce Fancy and Raven’s grand prize!”
We clap as Sunny takes the stage, carrying a tall… thing draped in a black cloth.
“Thank you Honeytoast,” says Sunny, placing the thing on the stage. “And thanks to everyone, especially you Fancy and Raven, for solving my murder.”
We laugh.
“Now,” says Sunny. “Fancy and Raven. For your valiant efforts today, I give you…”
Sunny pulls back the cloth.
“The Golden Scratching Post,”
We oooooo and aaaaaaaah at the scratching post made entirely out golden-yellow fabric.
“This post has been passed down through feline generations,” says Sunny. “My great great grandfelines made it way back in 1926. It passed through my feline family to me and now, you. And by some miracle, despite generations of scratching, this post is pristine. No matter how much you scratch, scratch, scratch, this post won’t take a single dent. Come on up and get it, Fancy and Raven!”
The crowd whoops and cheers as Fancy and I run onstage and hold up the post in both of our paws.
“Congratulations to Fancy and Raven!” yowls Honeytoast. “And thank you all for coming to my eighth lifeday party. GOOD NIGHT!”
THE END…
I loved this post. The clues, the mystery, the solution, and the winners are all great! By the way, I was a big Patrick Swazi fan from Dirty Dancing!!!
Thanks so much….