Dear diary,
Raven here.
I’m so sorry I’ve been a delinquent writer these days fans! It’s not just because Lollipop and I have been addicted to sending our daily Meowordle. That’s an entirely different story.
The real reason I’ve been gone is because there’s a new kitty in town. Her name is Roma. She’s owned by a gray-headed human who is pretty much shredded as fresh killed mouse. So, I’ve hired to cat-sit her. Roma’s quite a pawful, but as you can imagine, I’ve got everything under control.
Last Thursday, the CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZIEST thing happened. We were just relaxing at an awesome place called the “Adrift.” We were just farting around on the couch/bed when Roma jumped up and decided we should watch some cute cat videos. But when we hit play on one that looked promising, a weird human ad popped up. Little did I know this ad would lead to craziness and lots of problems.
“Is your cat in need of a toy.” the old human was saying. He had a voice like cat claws on cardboard. “Or is your feline just bored of the elements? Well, look no further than FelineFun.org. Here at FelineFun, we provide anything, yes, I mean ANYTHING that your cat needs. Toys, scratching posts, even cat butt fur curlers. You name it. For more info call up my billionair assistant, the one and only Jeff Catsos!”
Before I can stop her, Roma jumps up on the TV and dials FelineFun. She immediately starts buying EVERY SINCLE idiotic cat contraption advertised.
“Roma, STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yowl into the night. But the kitten ignores me. Scratching posts, catnip, yarn, cat fur trimmers, even a personalized dog detector. Roma buys more and more feline junk, each thing more idiotic than the next.
“Roma, I know you’re just a kitten,” I say. “But you need to understand that all you’re doing is enriching Jeff Catsos. He’s a jerk.”
“So,” Roma prompts me.
“So, stop buying all this stuff that we don’t need!” I yowl.
Roma finally turns off the TV and looks up at me.
“Sorry Raven,” Roma says. “All that stuff is just so tempting.”
The next day, the FelineFun helicopter zooms past and dumps all that junk right on top of us.
So much for lecturing this kitten to stop. I think.
Wow! That is a fun and creative story. These cats act just like crazy humans. Keep up the writing Lucas. I love it.
Dear Lucas, We loved that one, but PLEASE write a next one! You’ve got us hanging off a cliff!
Love, Julian and Dana
Dear RAVEN!!!!!
I’m so happy to see the new post. I understand that buying all this stuff is a problem. But….do they really have cat butt fur curlers? I mean, that could come in handy, right?
So, yeah, Catsos is a bit of a punk and those FelineFun copters are everywhere these days. Mewooooeh.
Good luck with the kitten sitting. I hope that goes well.
And the Meowordle! Don’t get me started. I have to do this every day too. There is this meoquordle bit with four words at once!! Makes me cazzzzzzy!
Anyway, I hope your keeping your claws clean and all that!
Talk soon.
Harold de Houston (^^)