Dear diary,
Raven here.
Folks. Harold has writen one of his most powerful and embodying letters and I must.. WAIT… WATSON! Be back soon folks! Sorry to keep you waiting Harold!
I am soooooo sorry to keep you waiting Harold, but something happened that will CHANGE CAT HISSSSTORY FOR INFINITY!!!!! So… I was about to write when Watson (that’s the cat a few houses down) came down onto the handsome boy’s ramp. He’s a grayish black. He started growling, a low snarl. In response, I yowled. This was so weird. The judge at CatCourt who judged MY trial. Come to take my revenge????????? He hisses. HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I yowl. YOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL HISSSSSSSSSSSS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! And then, as if this never happened, he walks off to NowheresVille. I can hear the song, Nowhere Cat, by one of, if not the most famous cat rock band in the cat world, The BeatlCats playing nonstop in my brain, two lyrics in particular. “Nowhere Cat, please listen. You don’t know what you’re missing.” I wished I could walk off, find that judge and shout/sing those lyrics in his ear right now! BUT I CAN’T!!!!!!!!!!!! I prowl around the handsome boy’s ramp. Where IS he? I guess this tail will have to be told in another diary!
So. Harold. I know you’ve been waiting for my response. You’re probably either sobbing in a corner, pacing up and down the house in anger and frustration, and hitting your paw on Refresh with more gusto as minutes went by, or all of the above all while thinking, WHEN IS THAT DUMB CAT GOING TO RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well… Here I go! Look for my response under your letter, which is as follows, in precisely 24 hours or less (maybe more).
Dear Raven,
My human child is also back at school, but his father still does meetings on his computer. It is fun to walk in front of him during the meetings and when somebody (inevitably) goes “cute kittie” I turn my butt to the camera. He gets soooooo embarrassed. HAHAHAAHA
Cards against Cathumanity is my favorite!!! Which answer would you pick to this card?: “Next on the Cat Sports Network, the World Series of ________”
- Dog barf on the carpet
- Ozzie Ozcat’s Diary of a Mad Feline
- When the litter box hasn’t been changed in like a week…
- Hacking hairballs into the bird bath
This was the last round when I played with Fruitloop and Sniffle (they live next door). I lost. GRRRWWWWLLLLLLL. But we had a nice fight afterward.
More seriously, I am quite honored to be considered for a position with SJFFFF, and gladly accept your kind invitation. Perhaps I can start a chapter of SJFFFF in Houston. With your wise guidance, I’m sure we could do great things here. There is much injustice here in Tex-HSSSSSS. GRRRWWWWWLLLLL Power to furry-felines everywhere!
Keep it real Raven!!!!
Best wishes,
Harold de Houston (^^)
Dear Harold.
This is your buddy Raven responding to your letter dated Monday 10/4/2021
Hi Harold. This is by fur (as I have stated above), the most powerful letter you have sent me. Sorry about the Watson stuff. It’s just that whenever I see a cat come by here, my fighting instincts kick in. Now, let’s discuss matters here. For the Cards Against Catumanity card, I’d have to go with… DRUMROLL PLEASE… D. Hacking hairballs in the bird bath. It just speaks to me in the strangest way. Maybe we could schedule a date I could go over to your house in Houston and play some rounds. Seattle to Houston is a looooooooooooooong ways away, but I’m sure we can coordinate a time and date. You can invite Fruitloop and Sniffle to come over and play! I’d love to meet them too!
More importantly, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, FOR AGREEING TO HELP SJFFFF!!!!!!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even contain my excitement! I’ve been trying to get us to address the cat chrisis in Tex-HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ever since we started, but no one will listen to me! GROWWWWWLLLLL YOWWWWWWLLLLLLLL HISSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! But perhaps with a cat on our board who knows what it’s like to live in the state of Tex-HISSSSSSSSSSSSS, that can be turned around. The process is still being worked out, but I’m sure that in the next couple of weeks, we’ll get you recruited. Harold, I belive we CAN create a just and equal world for all furry felines, so that everycat has a house and kind, trustworthy human owners. Getting a new friendly feline is always one more step to furry feline fredom.
Say hi to your humans for me
Your friend
Raven (^^)
PS: I heard Ozzy Ozcat is playing a show at the ParaCat theater on Monday at 8:30 I want to get there by 6:30 to get good seats and see MetaliCat, the opening group. See you there!
Hey Raven,
That video was CRAZZZZYYYYY!!! I thought for sure you were going to throw down. And then Watson ran!! HAHAHAHAHA! Like puff!!! He was gone.
Very nice yard, by the way!
This reminds me. There is a dog in my neighborhood. He’s kind of small. I heard a human call him a “schnoodle.” [Remember, no matter how bad things get, you’ll never be a schnoodle. HA!] Anyway, his name is Eddie. I love to drive Eddie crazy.
Whenever he walks by my house, I just sit on the porch and stare at him. That’s it. I just stare. No HHHHSSSSSSSSSing or HOOOWWWWWLLLLLLing. I just stare. Makes him crazy. He barks, runs in circles and pulls on that funny rope thing he uses to drag his human around. But the human weighs too much or something and Eddie can never get it to move. Hilarious!!
[Oh, yeah. What’s up with the human’s picking up dog poop in those little bags. Do you know? Like, what do they do with it? Disgusting!]
I should have totally gone with “D” in the Cars Against Cathumanity game. I went with Dog Barf on the Carpet. Fruitloop didn’t pick it. GRRROOOOWWWWLLLLLL.
Anyway, I am looking forward to hearing more about the SJFFF in TexHSSSSSSSS. We really need help. There are humans roaming around in this little truck. They stop and pick up cats and dogs if they don’t have a collar. And then, like Watson in your backyard, “puff” they just disappear. Kind of scary. Does this happen in Seattle?
Power to the felines!
Harold de Houston (^^)
P.S. MetaliCat is an awesome live band. And with Ozzy!! This is going to be an amazing show. I saw Ozzy once, a long time ago. He played a bunch of Black Cat Sabbath too!!!! PUUUUURRRRRRRRRRfect!