Dear diary,
Raven here.
I was so exhausted after writing Augie’s speech that I had to stop and rest.
So where were we… Oh yes. We all meowed and clapped as my lawyer finished his speech.
“A very compelling declaration for this truce, oh yes,” Watson said when we were all done clapping. “Now, Elio, will you please stand and speak in favor of Lollipop?”
I will NOT document Elio’s dreadful speech, as it was much too long to write and criticized the whole plan of the truce.
Elio’s speech was met and exited with many tedious, BOOOOOOOOOOOs
I decide that if Watson will come to a decision, we need a witness. And I know just the one. My old friend, Sammy the squirrel.
I called up Sammy and told her my problem.
“Raven Hanson here”, I say. “I am at CatCourt Headquarters and I need a witness.”
“On my way”, Sammy’s voice is so high pitch that it could’ve easily been used as the noise for the handsome boy’s wheelchair breaks.
Sammy runs into the room, panting and out of breath.
“Judge Watson…”, she begins through big, hearty breaths. “I had to get through much traffic and many more ver,… very,,, very complicated obstacles… oh… yes. But now.. I am in your presence Judge. Speak to me.
“Yes, yes Sammy”, Watson meows. “We need you to provide us evidence that this pair of friendly felines should or should not call a truce.”
“Oh, yes. Well”, Sammy begins, her voice now much clearer. “I shall do exactly that with a video.” “Pull down the projector please, will you Watson?”
Without a word, Watson signals to Roux, and with some assistance, Roux jumps up almost to the celing, and appears to be hanging from something. Then, it’s revealed. Watson and Roux pull down a GINORMOUS projector. It’s even bigger than the handsome boy’s iPad or any of my human’s screens at home. We all gape open mouthed at this huge and peculiar screen. There is a strange feeling inside my cat body that I know this device.
“Now”, Watson purrs wittingly. “I can sense you all are astonished at this gigantic screen.” “And.” He does a slight curtsy. “I do not blame you.” “Sammy and I felt the exact same when we saw it.” “Isn’t that right Sammy dear.”
“Oh yes. Very right”, Sammy nods her brisk, squirrel nod.
At this, I stop. Did Watson know I was sending Sammy as a witness? Is he,, A FOURTUNE TELLER? Anyway. No time to ask. He’s speaking.
“Sammy and I snuck into Raven’s house and, in the sense that I (I don’t think I told you this), am a fortune teller
Yes, the secret little voice in my head says to me. I was right. He IS a fortune teller!
“We”, he continues nonstop. “Snuck into the human’s house in the middle of the night when all the humans were sound asleep and stole the projector!” “A perfect cat/squirrel burglary “Now, Sammy must have time to present her statement. Go Sammy. Chop chop!”
“I must search for a video”, Sammy says. “Give me just a moment”
She quickly types the words, Raven and Lollipop Fight Scene and presses ENTER. She clicks the only one up there, a human-made video of one of our most classic battles. I wrote this as a diary (see Raven diary #3: The Next Battle to catch up).
“This is a human-made video of one of Raven and Lollipop’s most classic battles”, Sammy commentates as the video plays. She commentates all through it until the end.
“This video shows”, Sammy says, now sounding very professorial. “that Raven and Lollipop very much enjoy fighting, but are breaking up.
The trial went on for many, many weeks and there were many more witnesses, even some human impostors who thought they were wearing “purrrrrrrrrrfect cat costumes.”, but finally, Judge Watson is ready to make his decision.
“I have made my decision!!!!!!!!!!!!”, Watson screamed triumphantly. “I have seen much evidence, regarding both sides. But after much pondering over this matter, I have confirmed that Raven’s side has won the truce!
“Well Lollipop” I say. “I guess this is goodbye.” I pull up SpotiMouse, search for Ozzy OzCat, search for the right song, let’s see. Kittens of the Grave? Classic, but not the one I’m looking for. Iron Rat? No. But it’s one of his biggest hits. That riff gets in my head just reading the name. Crazy Cat. Meow at the Moon? That one had to be changed due to the offensive original human version. Here it is: Goodbye to Frenemy Relationships! We dance, heads pinned up against each other in a furry love dance.
“Yes Raven.”, Lollipop says when the song is over. “We’ve gone through so much together, and this is finally the end!”