Raven diary #51 funeral for a frenemy

Dear diary,

Raven here.

I have sad news for you, folks. Lollipop has died! The humans who owned Lolli got a new cat. But Sunny just isn’t the same. We’ve talked and tried our luck at being frenemies, but it didn’t work out for either of us.

But now, all the cats of the Mount Baker neighborhood stand in the backyard, crying and remembering the life of the great Lollipop.

“Good morning, everyone,” says the world-renowned feline funeral director Glenn Purrly. “We have gathered here today to mourn the death of Lollipop Schuler, who died last week of an unknown cause. He was an old but noble feline, adopted by his humans at a young age. He was loved and cared for by all of his human owners. He will live on in our feline hearts. Would anyone like to say a few words?”

“I will, Your Honor,” I meow, raising my paw.

“Yes, Raven,” says Purrly.

“Thank you,” I meow, standing up. “Lollipop was my best friend. My second in command. My closest companion besides my human owners. Whenever I had a problem, I called up Lolli and he always had kind helpful words of advice. One time, Lollipop and I were swaying on the pirate boat in the neighborhood park, and he swayed me so hard, I fell off. Lolli pulled me right back up like nothing ever happened.”

I rattle off story after story of me and Lolli, from the time I accidentally got the two of us stuck in a vending machine to our court trial. There’s just so much to say about Lolli and I, I have to let it all out. More than once, Glenn tries to cut me off, but I can’t stop. I remark our many brave plunges into water, to our obsession of movies like Cat out of the Bag and Feline Sense and bands like the Catnaps. Everyone is listening intently, and by the last lines, I’m choking up.

“I think the number one thing Lollipop has taught all of us here today is to be kind to others, even in the face of peril. He never gave up on me, or any other cat. So, let’s all raise a glass of catnip to the tabby who will never die in our hearts.”

I raise my glass and yowl at the top of my lungs.

“LOLLIPOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Everyone yowls it back so loud, I’m sure Lolli can hear them up in heaven.

“LOLLIPOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

THE END…