Raven diary #34 Cat Crime Conclusion

Dear diary,

Raven here.

Okay my feline friends. I’ve been a little busy lately. The handsome man actually spoke to a writing class. ABOUT MY DIARIES!!!!!!! That, along with this crazy snowy cold weather AND my rather busy humans, I’ve been busy, but here I go. (As a reminder, if you haven’t read Pt. 1 you should and it’s here.)

Lollipop and I stare at the little poo balls in disgusted curiosity, both of us trying our best not to get any poop in our faces. But I think we backfired on that front. We train the magnifying glass over the poo, but with the little chihuahua poop balls, it’s hard to make out words, let alone letters.

“This woulda been easier if each poop letter had just flowed out the butt as one,” I growl in anger. “But you can never tell with dogs, especially chihuahuas.”

Lolli pulls out his own magnifying glass. “Yeah,” he purrs, confidence in his words. “But I think I can make out the message. It says, SQUEAKY IS NOW MINE! KVA SAID SO.”

“Wow. Impressive reading poop, Lolli.” I purr, as both of us pocket our magnifying glasses. “What do we do now?”

“We Google a list of every human in the city of Seattle whose initials are KVA,” Lolli meows, confident. “There’s no other way.”

“Whoa, whoa whoa,” I growl. “Let’s not get our tails in a twist here Lolli. There are probably WAY too many KVAs in Seattle to count. And even if we did find the culprit, how would we securely catch them?”

“Good point, frenemy,” Lollipop says. “But what else can we do?????????”

We throw around bad ideas until I finally pipe up with a good one.

“I know!” I yowl. “We send out a message to all the local felines, asking if there have been any sightings of suspicious chihuahuas on the loose.”

“Great idea, Raven,” yowls Lolli. “The sooner we can get Squeaky back, the better.”

We go to the computer and start forming our email. When we finish, it reads:

Dear feline community of Seattle,

We are Raven Hanson and Lollipop Schuler, who you’ve probably seen around. We are writing this because Lollipop’s life size stuffed mouse toy, Squeaky has been stolen. We have analyzed a letter and, yes, a series of little balls of poop in the shape of a message and determined that the thief is a chihuahua whose owner’s initials are KVA and who’s coming to Raven’s house tomorrow. Please be on the lookout for any chihuahuas around and closely watch their behavior. Are they acting even remotely suspicious? Are there any signs of a stuffed mouse in the house? Maybe even ask them if they’re planning to come to the Mount Baker neighborhood (our neighborhood.)

Please reply to this e-mail or call us up at 18530875 to let us know if you find anything. We need those sightings documented by tomorrow.

Thank you,

Meeeowwwww,

Raven and Lollipop.

We paste in the thief’s note for good measure and hit Send, satisfied with our message.

“What do we do now?” Lolli asks, clearly as satisfied as I am.

“We need some rest, Lolli,” I purr. “Being detective cats is hard work. Let’s take a break.”

After at least half an hour of much needed play and rest, we get back to work.

“There’ve been a few comments on our e-mail, even a non-feline message,” says Lolli excitedly. “Let’s take a look!”

I run to the computer, my heart racing in my fur. Who could’ve stolen Squeaky???????

A significantly large portion of e-mail replies fill the left half of the computer screen. Here they are.

First, from Lloyd:

Hi Raven and Lollipop,

My name is Lloyd and I’m a cat replying to this because, yes. I have seen a suspicious chihuahua around. His name is Meis (pronounces meez), and I’ve been having some pretty intense quarrels with him lately. He hasn’t shown any signs of stuffed mouse theft, but it could very well be pawsible he did.

Hope you track down this eeeeeeevil chihuahua thief,

With all due respect,

Lloyd.

Another read:

Then Greyson:

Raven! Lollipop!

I’m a cat who is the owner of one of Raven’s handsome man’s classmates at his school. And let me tell you. My two buddies and I live with this crazy chihuahua named Thor who is ALWAYS getting himself into shenanigans. If there’s anyone who’d steal a life size mouse toy, it’s HIM. My humans are always throwing balls and other toys for him to fetch. None of my owner’s initials aren’t KVA, but Thor could’ve been deceiving you. Besides, I can tell you from purrsonal experence that poo in a message is hard to read. It could’ve said CJH said so or MJH said so. I guarantee Thor stole Squeaky.

Thanks, and meeeeowww to you too,

Greyson. ^^

 

But the most interesting one comes from two ducks. And they wrote it in all Caps.

Marigold and Lilly:

QUACK QUACK!

HI RAVEN. HI LOLLIPOP.

WE’RE TWO DUCKS NAMED MARIGOLD AND LILLY, WHO RAVEN MIGHT REMEMBER SENDING A NOTE TO A WHILE BACK. ANYWAY. THE IMPORTANT THING IS WE KNOW WHO STOLE SQUEAKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HER NAME IS INDIE AND SHE FITS ALL YOUR QUALIFICATIONS. SHE’S A CHIHUAHUA WHO HAS BEEN LIVING WITH US AND WHO’S OWNER IS THE HANDSOME MAN’S FORMER NURSE. THE HUMANS’ INITIALS ARE KVA. WE’VE EVEN SEEN INDIE PLAYING WITH A STUFFED MOUSE! DEFINITELY SQUEAKY!!!!! WHO ELSE COULD IT BE?

THANKS FOR REACHING OUT,

QUAAAAAAAAAACK,

MARIGOLD AND LILLY.

“Wow,” I purr. “I never knew ducks really can write emails with webbed feet.”

“Me neither,” says Lolli. “But I think Indie is our culprit.”

“How do you know?” I yowl.

Lolli pulls out the culprit’s note, which, as a reminder, reads,

Dear Lollipop,

I have maNageD to borrow your IrrEsistible mouse toy. Squeaky, as you call it. I’ve been simply loving his soft fur that I can bat and kick with my tiny paws. I never let go of him, no matter how many times my humans try to make me. Squeaky’s tiny size and shape is simply perfect for my tiny doggie paws. My humans are taking me to your neighbor, Raven’s house tomorrow, so I assure you I’ll swing by and drop off Squeaky on the way.

With all due respect,

I

“Look,” says Lolli, pointing a paw to certain letters in the note. “Look at the letters in the first sentence that are capitalized.”

I look, and sure enough, the capitalized letters in the first sentence are I N D I E.

“It spells Indie!” I yowl. “Great noticing, Lolli.”

“I noticed it when we first saw the note, but I didn’t realize it meant anything until now.”

“But why would a chihuahua like Indie want to steal a mouse toy?” I yowl.

“I don’t know,” Lolli yowls. “You’ll just have to wait till tomorrow to find out.”

The next day, Indie comes over with her old human. Once the human leaves, I sneak out to the front porch to talk to the thief face to face.

“So,” I growl, staring the canine’s tiny eyes. “You dropped off Squeaky, DID YOU NOT???????????”

“Yes, I did,” Indie squeaks in her high pitch chihuahua voice. “I promise I won’t steal toys ever again, I just stole Squeaky because I wanted to annoy Lollipop. “

“I forgive you, I guess,” I purr, a tinge of anger in my words. “And you succeeded. But why the poop?”

“It was just the only way I thought to communicate,” Indie says. “My paws aren’t big enough for human devices. And if you’re a chihuahua, it’s not hard to poop in the shape of words.

“Well, I can’t belive I’m saying this,” I growl. “But thank you for returning Squeaky.”

Once Indie leaves, I dash to Lolli’s porch and tell him the good news.

“Thank you so much for bringing back Squeaky, Raven!”  yowls Lolli, nuzzling the tiny stuffed mouse as we sit on the porch.

“Well, if it weren’t for you Lolli,” I purr. “I wouldn’t’ve figured out who the culprit was.”

“Thanks Raven,” says Lolli. “Should we celebrate? I heard Black Cat Robin Scout has a new album out called The Yarn, The Humans, The Sky and she’s performing it down the street. Should we see her?”

“Sure we can,” I yowl. “Let’s go!”

CASE CLOSED.