Dear diary,
Raven here.
Folks. I’m still cooling off from that epic Meowsgiving catapaloosa. The timber cats really added a layer of noise to the party. The roasted robin and the mouseberry sauce was delicious. But most of all, it was so fun to be celebrating Meowsgiving with all my feline friends while our humans were off traveling.
It didn’t start off as a huge Catapaloosa though. All my feline friends (Harold, Lollipop, Honeytoast, etc.) had other Meowsgiving plans. They all had plans to see their families in other places.
“Besides,” Lollipop said one morning as we decorated the house and cooked the roasted robin the day before my humans left. “These timber cats you invited seem a little… how should I put this?… outrageous based on that human TV show on Netflix. All those axes and the whole,” Lolli clears his throat and speaks in a harsh growly voice. “YUMYAN OWNS YOU ALL thing. They could ruin the annual flipping of the robin! This could be the worst Catapaloosa in feline hissstory. And we all have other Meowsgiving plans! I promised my Uncle Jolly Rancher and Aunt Hershey that I’d be at their house in California by tomorrow morning. Please Raven. We can have a Catsmas party but Meowsgiving just seems like a bad time to have a Catapaloosa.”
“I will consider this, Lolli,” I purr. “I appreciate your concern.”
Over the next few hours, I sit on the handsome man’s bed and ponder what Lollipop has said to me. Maybe a Meowsgiving Catapaloosa isn’t such a good idea after all.
Suddenly, there’s a deafening, inhuman knock at the door and before I can even open it, a gray cat twice… no… EIGHT TIMES my size with matted, fur stares down at me with pumpkin size purple eyes and thin, vertical black slits for pupils. He wears a blue, plad shirt. He looks exactly like he does in the human Netflix show. No different.
“I AM YUMYAN HAMMERPAW,” he growls as I cower under his cold gaze. His growls are surprisingly smooth. Yumyan gestures behind him and a large team of much smaller but stocky cats of all fur colors and in red plad assemble behind him. “AND I AM THE LEADER OF MY FRIENDS HERE. THE TIMBER CATS. And YOU INVITED US TO A MEOWSGIVING CATAPALOOSA. DID YOU NOT???????????????”
“Y… y… y… yes, I… d… d… did,” I stutter. I’m shaking in my fur. “B… but n… not until t… t…tomorrow. Th…that’s the d…day my hu… hu… humans are l… l… leaving. P… pl… please go b…b… back to your h… h… home in the w… woods. All of you.”
“Haven’t you ever seen the show Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts?” one of the smaller cats asks. “We’re not mean,” she says. “Yumyan can just get a little carried away at times.”
Yumyan then cups a paw almost the size of a human’s fist over the cat’s mouth.
“All right,” I growl. In the show, I’ve seen what can happen in the Timber Cats when things like this happen. And belive me. It’s not pretty.
“WELL,” says Yumyan, pulling out a gigantic purrrrrple axe that that terrifies me even more. The many smaller cats follow suit and pull out smaller red axes. “WE COULD CHOP UP THE FOOD.”
“I’d rather not…” I try to say, but Yumyan cuts me off with a growl so loud, I cover my paws over my ears.
“RAISE YOUR AXES FOR OUR NEWCOMER, RAVEN HANSON AND HER CATAPALOOSA THING!!!!!!!!!”
“TO OUR NEWCOMER, RAVEN HANSON AND HER CATAPALOOSA THING!!!!!!!!! HOORAH!!!!!!!!!” shout the Timber Cats shout as one and on “HOORAH” the cats all raise their dangerously large axes.
Who really are these felines??????????????????????????????
The Catapaloosa was too much to explain, but let’s just say it got crazier from there.