Raven diary #27: Dog or Catapaloosa?

Dear diary,

Raven here.

Catapaloosa this month is going to be a huge success. All my humans are off in the cabins with more humans (and dogs, thank you very much). We’ll party until the humans come home and have roasted rats and fried mice.

“Welcome everyone. Come on in,” I say as all of you stride in. I sit behind a red ticket booth in the shape of a cat face, ears, and all. “Please state your name and sign it up here.”

All the usual felines come, Lollipop, Harold, Honeytoast. But about halfway through, a black cat with a white belly and paws comes up to the booth at a trot.

“Ah,” I say, my ears perking up. “Looks like we have a newcomer. Newcomer, what is your name?”

“Minnow’s the name,” the cat greets us in a smooth southern accent. “It’s a true honor to be here.”

We all shout this to Minnow, and she jumps in surprise.

“What’d ya have to do that for?” Minnow asks, a little shaken. “I’m not used to this many felines in a human household before, you know. I was just meandering along when I came across this house and thought I’d take a gander inside.”

“That’s the Cute Cat Salute,” Lollipop explains. “Every time we get a new feline here at Catapaloosa, he or she gets a warm welcome with the Cute Cat Salute. All will be explained to our newcomers shortly. Just sign your name up at Raven’s booth here and we’ll explain EVERYTHING.”

“WARM WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????” Minnow shrieks, so loud that we all jump back in surprise and put our paws to our ears. “YALL ALMOST TORE MY EARS RIGHT OFF…”

But before she can finish her rejections, another new… well… guest comes up to the ticket booth, but in a bound rather than the usual saunter. Everyone stares at the creature as Minnow hastily signs her name. The creature has the black ears and tail of a cat, but it’s clear to ALL of us that those ears and tail are a complete PHONY. The real ears and tail have been shaven off or something. We all silently agree that this is clearly a… a… a…

“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” we yowl, pouncing on the huge, curly, black fiend, pinning him to the ground.

“Ha!” the dog says, staggering back to his feet. His voice is deep and thunders through the house. “I’m no dog! My name is Chan and I’m here to party with you all.”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU’RE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Minnow shouts. “Your name is Berkeley and you’re here to trash this party that I was just getting into.”

“Minnow,” Berkeley growls, narrowing his yarn ball sized amber eyes. “Hello, X friend.”

We all gape at Minnow and Berkeley in utter shock. We can do nothing but stand paralyzed and watch the scene unfold.

“Burkely,” Minnow purrs, rearing up on her hind paws and looking the huge dog in his eyes. “Do ya remember the good ol’ days? When ya were just a little puppy no bigger than a rootin tootin human baby?” What was happening? “Playin’ on the human playgrounds? Readin’ Furry Potter by the fireplace?”

“Yes. I remember,” Berkeley growls. “Go on.”

“So, Berkeley McBerkerson,” Minnow continues. Berkeley seems to snigger at this absurd name. “Will you, in the order of your best feline friend, come with me.” The dog detaches his cat ears and tail, revealing floppy ears and a drooping tail.

“Yes, my lord,” Berkeley says, bowing his head. Minnow sniggers at this strange remark.

“Meet me on Zoom, feline friends!!!!!” Minnow yells to us as she and Berkeley bound out of the house

And with that, Minnow joins us over Zoom, and we have arguably the best Catapaloosa in hisssssstory.