Dear diary,
Raven here.
Cats. Kittens. I’m doing it. I’m throwing a party. I’ve made my playlist and I’ve taken a few suggestions from … you guessed it. Harold de Houston. Here they come.
Cats, cats and more cats start streaming in. And in the very back of the group is … I can’t bring myself to say it. It’s …
LOLLIPOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“RAVEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!” Lollipop purrs, bounding up to me and wrapping me in a warm pawful hug. “MEOWY CATSMAS TO YOU!!!!!”
“Lollipop!” I purr. “We can reunite later. I have a purrty to run.
Cats immediately start going purrzerk with the human’s decorations, causing me to have to yowl over all the pandemonium. “MROWWWWWWW. Welcome all cats and kittens to the first annual Catsmas Catapaloosa. This year we have special holiday fun and games that will help grow your cat skills and make my house the messiest it’s ever been since our first session in 2011.”
I can feel the excitement as all the cats in the crowd meow in approval. We start decorating and making the most of what the humans have made. I join the cats in knocking down the tree, sending seeds flying everywhere. We catch the lights in a long cat train and wrap them around my otherwise boring litter box.
Finally, it’s time for my favorite game of the night, Cards Against Catumanity. I kick of the game with Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of __________. (Harold can respond with his commented suggestions.)
“Alright. Let’s see what we have here,” I say when the round is over.
Here’s what everyone played.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of cat pee.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of dog invasion.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of wiping the litter box weekly.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of canines who eat cat poop.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of drowning in a blowup human water sphere.
- Tonight you shall be visited by the ghosts of canine sea biscuits
“Wow everyone,” I meow. “You all really brought your A-game on this one. But I’m gonna have to go with” … I paws for suspense. “DOG INVASION!!!!”
“YOWWW!! THAT’S MEEEE!” Lollipop yowls in triumph. “I think our frenemy relationship is back on.”
Suddenly I feel an antagonizing shock of electricity rush through my fur. BZZZT CRACK “MROOOOOOWWWWWWWW”
“Uhhh … anyone else feel…” My voice trails off as all around me, my question is automatically answered. “MROWWWWWWWWWW CRACK BZZZZZZZT“
I try running around my house, attempting to cure cats around the house. What is this strange illness?
“Ummmm. Raven?” a black kitten mews. This cat introduced herself as Roma. “I think those lights may have been the problem.
Oh my Raven!!! What a scary turn. I was very excited about the party and the Lollipop reunion, and then I was contemplating the ghost of canines who eat cat poop (and wondering if ghosts can chew gum, because…..SCREEEAAACCCHHHHYHOWWWLLY…that breath is gonna be bad).
Then BAMMM. Electric shocks all around.
Was it some nefariously secret…DOG trick. Have you been attacked by the ghosts of canines who sniff cat pee while holding 20 amp strings of LED Catsmas lights? I do hope you come through it all okay Raven.
Good luck my friend!
Harold de Houston (00) (this is me being surprised!)
P.S. And very well played, getting the tree to top over!!!