Dear diary,
Raven here.
Folks. Today I set paw on a most purrrrrculiar sight. The handsome boy and another young man have partnered through human mail and an online human club about something called “Harry Potter.” No no no. That’s not it. In other news, the focusing topic is going to take a LOT more explanation.
So, in the human’s backyard, there is a foul-smelling bucket of rotten light green fruit. I’m just out there staring at this putrid box when … wait!!!! A rush of gray behind the bucket!!!!!!! I rush out to the backyard, heart pounding faster than ever in my furry chest. SQUIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
Wait just a furry-tail minute! Before I chow down on thisssssssss temptingly, delightfully delicious, dainty delicacy, I must consider this crazy cat conundrum. The very squirrely squirrel is uhhh… eewwwwww… I can’t say it. He’s…
EATING THE ROTTEN FRUIT!!!!!! 
It is now the fattest, most delicious squirrel on Earth.
Then, it jumps out my human’s window. What is this drunk, deranged sq* up to? Then, I see it jump on all of what the humans call “Christmas decorations.” Each decoration turns into a fat, drunk sq. They’re soooooo slow that I figure it’s a good time to catch one. But before I can catch one, the squirrels stream out the window in a distracting bustle of chubby gray fur, trampling me so I’m flat on my hackles! Usually, a friendly feline would jump right back up on it’s feet and get on with business. But this time, the army of squirrels is upon me!!!! I’m in a daze.
I … MMMMRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I awake to see a strangely furmiliar cat staring down at me with blank brown eyes. Then it hits me like a paw in the chest fur as my senses’ re-focus. The gray pelt. The gruff voice yelling “RAVEN” down at me. YESS!
“FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
*The sqs are for any dogs reading who might be tempted to chase a drunk sq after.