Dear diary,
Raven here.
Folks. A couple days ago, we lost a crucial member of the feline community, Ochi Gates. He was, as you may recall from a previous three part Raven adventure, the drummer of the 1980s pop group A Thousand More Litter Boxes (ATMLB), and an avid poker player. Despite the fact that I have never become an ATMLB fan, Ochi was a dear friend of mine, so I’ve traveled down to Portland, Oregon to mourn his passing.
“Hello everyone,” says renowned feline funeral director Glenn Purrly, as cats and dogs gather in Ochi’s human’s front yard. “We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of Ochi Gates. He died at the vet on Thursday at just six lives old. He will live on in our hearts not only as the underrated great drummer of A Thousand More Litter Boxes, not only as an obsessive poker player, but as a man. A kind, funny, smart, although sometimes strange man. I myself knew Ochi quite well. I grew up in Portland where I got to be up close at ATMLB’s second show at a small club called The Loud Litter Box. I became fast friends with all the band members, but especially Ochi. We’d nerd out on strange human stuff, go on adventures together and of course, play poker. I could rant about Ochi memories all day, but what about you all? What are some of your memories of Ochi?”
The crowd is silent for a minute or two until a dark tabby raises a paw.
“Yes,” says Purrly. “You there, in the back.”
“Thank you,” says the cat. “I am Ochi’s father, Yowlin Purrpaw, and I have a few words to say. Ochi was the son we never knew we wanted. He was actually born David Yowl at Portland’s best animal shelter on December 16, 1989. As a little kitten, he loved being the weirdest feline on the block. Me and my wife, Veronica here…” He gestures with a paw to a shaggy blond tabby next to him. “…would constantly lose him, then find him twenty minutes later hanging by his tail from the bed or lapping up water from a bowl, antics that would carry on into later life. He’d run away from us for weeks, then return disheveled and refuse to bathe himself until a month later. This was an ongoing cycle for years in the shelter until he was adopted by two humans. Then, we only heard scraps of his life. We heard that he had been renamed Ochi by his humans, made friends with a dog and was still lapping up water like nobody’s business, but we hadn’t received many Ochi updates until yesterday, when the devastating news dropped. When it did, my four lives with Ochi flashed before my eyes.”
At this, Veronica node in agreement.
“We both had a good cry,” Yowlin continues. “And exchanged memories of that fine feline. So, as I wrap up this speech, I want to bring this back to what Mr. Purrly said earlier, which is that Ochi was a man. Not a weird cat who hung from his tail or lapped up water from a bowl. Not the drummer of a band and certainly not a poker player. A MAN. And to that, I say… LONG LIVE OCHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
We yowl it back.
“LONG LIVE OCHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
We cheer, and after a few more toasts, in which I learn that Ochi’s heroes were human bands like Tacocat and Cat Butt, and that Ochi loved the zoomies and cuddling with his dog friend, Zora, Purrly steps up to make an announcement.
“Thank you, everyone,” he purrs. “Now. One of the major aspects of Ochi’s life was his stint as the drummer of A Thousand More Litter Boxes. But though Ochi has left us, the band is soldiering on as a trio and have agreed to play us some songs. So please join me in welcoming Gordon Catersmith, John Kittenheimer and David Catless to the stage.”
We cheer as the three cats take the stage, along with three microphones and all the instruments.
“Good evening cats and kittens!” Gordon yells and we cheer.
“We’re so glad you all are here tonight to celebrate the life of the greatest feline that has ever walked this earth. OCHI.”
They then jump into their first song, That Cat and I can hear Ochi in every word Gordon sings. He sings in a sad tone for an ATMLB show, and each time he would sing the word “cat,” he sings “Ochi.” Their second song “Not Kitten Around” also contains many references to Ochi. After the second song, we cheer, and Gordon grabs the mic.
“Alright, Ochi lovers,” he purrs. “We’re gonna need your help on this next one.”
Catersmith and the rest of the band then start clapping and meowing in a rhythm (clap clap clap clap MROW)
“Everybody!” drummer Catless yowls and before you can even say “catnip sandwich,” the whole crowd is clapping and mrowing along as Gordon sings these words:
Verse 1:
Born at the animal shelter in ‘89
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
David Yowl was a fine feline
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
After years at the shelter of all the same
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
He was adopted by some humans and then renamed
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Chorus:
Ochi, Ochi
The best cat around was Ochi
It’s clear to you, it’s clear to me
We all love you, Ochi.
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Verse 2:
But he sure was so crazy that
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
He ran away to play poker before Bumbercat
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Forgot a show with his own band
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
And wanted to become a gambler man
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Chorus:
Chorus:
Ochi, Ochi
The best cat around was Ochi
It’s clear to you, it’s clear to me
We all love you, Ochi.
Verse 3:
He really is the world’s best cat
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Lapping up water and a great drummer at that
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
So, on this fine day, I say to you and me
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
LONG LIVE OCHI
(clap clap clap clap MROW clap clap clap clap MROW)
Ochi, Ochi
The best cat around was Ochi
It’s clear to you, it’s clear to me
We all love you, Ochi
We all love you, Ochi
We all love you, Ochi.
When the song ends, we cheer and ATMLB walks offstage.
“Thank you very much, ATMLB,” Purrly meows. “And thank you all for coming out tonight to celebrate Ochi. I’d like to end by raising my catnip glass and saying… LONG LIVE OCH!!!!!!”
We yowl it back. “LONG LIVE OCH!!!!!!”
THE END…
