Dear diary,
Raven here.
Folks… GASP MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. It’s just… I can’t explain. A DOG… I mean… someone… Most likely a dog… has broken into Handsome Boy Writes! A “troll” in human speak. “sabotage” maybe? Whatever you call it! It’s not just any dog. I think it’s Blakely! One of the dogs who rudely bombed Catapaloosa! (see Raven diary #5: TOP SECRET RAVEN DIARY)
Here is the letter he sent. IT’S ALL LIES:
HI Readers,
Well, I’ve been watching for a while and see that Raven isn’t always truthful, like whining about being exhausted and having to nap when I see her sitting on the railing in the front yard. There she sits smirking and watching her neighbors. I have also enjoyed both her food dish and litter box, both quite nice. And I don’t see why she is complaining about humans. They are so good to her. She is an ungrateful spoiled brat who just likes to stir up trouble. Her intuition is telling her that there may be a spy around, but will never suspect whom that spy might be.
The Spy
Dear “The Spy”
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!! YOU AND YOUR PITIFUL HOUND COMPANIONS ALMOST RUINED OUR PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE YOU STUPID… BLAKELY!!!!!!!!!!!
Your letter is one giant Catnado of LIES LiES LIES!!!!!!!
First of all, THE CAT LAWS IN THE U.S. CLEARLY STATE THAT NO DOGS CREEP ONTO FELINE PROPERTY WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only a dumb, ungrateful miscreant such as YOU could break such a rule!
You stupid, lying, bratty idiot!
Humans are soooo good to their canine “friends,” particularly yours, who just happen to be the handsome children’s grandparents. I know… [pet surprise faces]. RIGHT?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway. All that aside, NO SCROUNGING AROUND IN MY FOOD OR EATING MY POOP OR PEE!!!! I did the classic drag the turd off the butt trick just to signal to all you dogs out there that that’s a cat trick and not a ruddy dog move!
And that brings me around to my last point! The whole message of this letter!
HUMANS ARE GOOD TO US FELINES TOO!!!! WE GET AS MUCH LOVE AND CARE FROM HUMANS AS YOU ODIOUS MUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Growl at you later,
Raven
I read in a book something like this about cats and dogs. The two people are discussing which one is better.
First person: “Dogs are obedient and cats are so disobedient.”
Second person: “Yep, you’re right but disobedience is freedom.”
Hi all of you faithful readers of the Handsom Boy’s Blog. I just want to defend poor Blakely who has been wrongly accused by Raven. He is know to be the sweetest, most gentle, accepting creature around. Ask anyone who knows him. Please don’t pay any attention to Raven defaming this poor boy until she have proof of his guilt. She just doesn’t like dogs and he’s an east target.
Dear Raven,
Very sorry to hear about the canine-hacker-saboteur! MMMMEEEEEOOOWWWWWERHHHHISSSSSSSS!!
I wanted to send something to cheer you up a bit. My human is a big Pink Floyd fan. Mostly their music is a big cat yawn. But this one I kind of like. About a cat, of course: https://youtu.be/t0-zDtRQnf8
“That cat’s something I can’t explain….” MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW.
Keep it real!
Harold de Houston (^^)
P.S. if you have 20 minutes to kill they have another song called “Dogs” about how they stab you in the back and stuff….not bad, if you can stay awake that is.